ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.
GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
Magic: (n) The art of converting superstition into coin.
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.
The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long.
ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.
YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.
Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.
Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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