Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.
In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.
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