Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?
Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Hermits have no peer pressure.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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