Years are like candy bars... We're paying more, but they're getting shorter.
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
This is my report on how to live... They say the best way is just to live one day at a time... If you try to live seven days at a time, the week will be over before you know it.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.
Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone. "I've solved your problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!" She hit him with a waffle iron.
A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope.
What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?
The world is filled with unmarried marriage counselors.
Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.
There is nothing more attractive than a nice smile
If you grit your teeth and show real determination, you'll always have a chance.
There's no sense in doing a lot of barking if you don't really have anything to say.
Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
Don't be a leaf... Be a tree!
Beauty Tips - How to Look Younger: Don't be born so soon.
If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.
Linus Van Pelt: Well, I can understand how you feel. You worked hard, studying for the spelling bee, and I suppose you feel you let everyone down, and you made a fool of yourself and everything. But did you notice something, Charlie Brown? Charlie Brown: What's that? Linus Van Pelt: The world didn't come to an end.
Security is a thumb and a blanket. Happiness is a warm puppy.
It doesn't matter what you believe just so long as you're sincere.
Goodbys always make my throat hurt... I need more hellos.
There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin!
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